Ways to Lead – Without Acting like a Man

As many writers have pointed out, men and women are treated very differently. We are conditioned by our gender at a very young age, and that this greatly impacts how we see, interoperate, and interact in the world around us as adults. Our working lives are no exception - in every meeting, email, and interaction, working women pick-up and respond to social and emotional cues that men do not, and vise-versa. In an attempt to get both men and women on the same page, recently, business leaders and authors have advised women, more or less, to act like a man. In other words, withhold your natural inclinations, repress all those years of conditioning, ditch the tiara, and emulate him - the superhero, the strong and powerful guy that will swoop in and save the day (or meeting, project, even company).

For most of us, this is no easy task. It means training yourself to restructure your way of seeing, interpreting, and interacting, and sadly, even if you were successful, the results would not be satisfying. We are used to dealing with stereotypical men and stereotypical women. We are not use to dealing with women pretending to be men. It is confusing to the underlying psychology. For example, consider the stereotypical masculine trait of dominance. When a women is dominate at work, say she dedicates project milestones to her fellow team members instead of attempting collaboration, she will likely get a bad rep as pushy, inconsiderate, or cold because she is not acting consistently with stereotypical feminine behaviors. If this same women had approached her team members, using a more feminine style, such as seeking input and striving for consensus, she would not be known secretly (or not so secretly) as pushy, but also not be seen as a good leader because stereotypical leadership behaviors are masculine in nature (dominance, assertive, self-promoting). In other words, the career girl with her eye on a more senior leadership position, may be rejected because she is too feminine (collaborate and not fitting the stereotype of a leader) or because she fits the stereotype of a leader (dominate, assertive, self-promoting) but not that of a woman. It’s really something of a catch 22.

So, then if we can’t be women in the workplace without the female label, and cannot be men without the negative gossip, what should the career girl, with leadership aspirations do? Here are 7 easy behaviors to work into your work day to help even the playing field and whip you into management material:

• BEHAVIOR #1: Speak Up. This does not mean you have to dictate the action plan, win every discussion, and come up with more brainstorm ideas than anyone else. Instead, each time you hear that little voice inside your head, simply pipe up! With increased competition and globalization facing organizations, no team, department or establishment will last long without the innovative or questioning interjections of the employees. You may have the next big idea sitting in your head, waiting to be released.

• BEHAVIOR #2: Don’t be afraid to make tough calls by yourself. Although our natural tendency may be toward collaboration, there are times when a career girl has to make the decision, chart the plan of action, or simply make up her mind by herself. At work, this may be due to confidentiality reasons – you can’t accurately evaluate your team members’ performance with their input. But, more often than not, it stems from the business need to move fast. Collaboration and buy-in are time consuming undertakings and with organizations needing that decision…like, yesterday, your manager won’t be supportive of the additional delay consensus incurs.

• BEHAVIOR #3: Don’t Agree for the Sake of Agreeing. We all have been there – you are sitting across the table from (your mother-in-law, your brother’s new girlfriend…insert here) and they are saying something so completely ridiculous that all you can think to do is nod in agreement. Although this tactic may get you through a dull dinner party, at work, it does not matter how tired or board you are, this behavior has to stop. Why? First of all, being overly agreeable will get you no closer to the C-suite than wearing a sign around your neck reading “I’m only working to find a husband.” No one will take you seriously in either scenario. Secondly, you will inadvertently sign yourself up for all the low-visibility grunt work that no one else wants to do. To assess your natural tendency to for agreeableness, compared to other personality traits check out: http://psychcentral.com/personality-test/start.php

• BEHAVIOR #4: Be wary of the water cooler. Every career girl I know has gotten in trouble at one point or another for spreading rumors. It is a strong temptation that needs to be suppressed in the workplace. This is not to say that you should always sit quietly and hold your tongue in every situation. In fact, you will encounter situations where ethically you should act as a whistle blower and still others where you can use the information to politic. But, what this does mean is that rather than running your mouth off the second you hear something juicy, take a moment to think about the possible implications – If it is just ideal gossip, then, leave it alone. Making work enemies over something as silly a fashion faux pas could cause larger career problems for you down the road.

• BEHAVIOR #5: Volunteer. For cross-departmental projects, for action committees, for – anything and everything you can, given you can balance the workload. It does not matter how boring the cause sounds at first, at the very least, you will meet people you have not met before and work with people who are different from those you typically pair up with. Gains – networking, skill/knowledge expansion, leadership, and the appearance of a proactive personality (a go-getter) –add that to the old resume!

• BEHAVIOR #6: U need 2 limit the ! and :) in emails. As much as the line between work and non-work has blurred, there is no place for text speak in the office. It is just not professional. Same goes for the over use of exclamation points, smiley faces, frowney faces, and any and all other types of emoticons. Many career girls think that by including these in office emails, the recipient will think something to the extent of ‘Jen is so positive and trendy – I didn’t even know what btw stood for!’ Instead, the recipient tends to think something like this ‘Why does she keep sending cutesy emails? And, what the f* does btw mean?’.

• BEHAVIOR #7: Accept compliments. How many times have you worked really hard on something, receive a compliment, and completely brush it off with something like: “Oh, well, I had to wear a dress today – I am so behind on laundry, all my jeans were dirty!”? Women have been using this brush off tactic since the Victoria Era (circa, 1900), and it has been going on long enough. It’s time women take ownership and pride in success, even small ones.

Image provided by Flickr

#protips #list #leadership #women